The first day of kindergarten, I was up like 2hrs before I needed to be. I was so freaking _nervous_ about how the day was going to go. Would she cry? Would she get lost? What if I have a complete meltdown and the principal has to carry me out of the building? These were all legit concerns. DH took the morning off to see his little girl off to school, so it was nice having another adult there while I was learning the new school day routine. (for what it's worth, I have that down to a T now. I think I could pack a lunch/sign a check/feed a baby all at the same time now). I got her dressed in one of her new outfits, tried to talk her into eating something - didn't work - and away we went.
The plan was for all of us to walk her to her classroom, but I guess every other parent had the same idea, since it was a mad-house. DH eventually just decided to stay in the car with the boys while I walked Em to her room. To get to her room you have to walk through the 4th grade wing, and let me tell you. 4th graders are intimidating. They have this aura about them that says "yeah, I'm the top dog around here". Plus the fact that most of them were taller than me! So yeah, we staked out the place and found a better, more direct, route to where she waits for her class that doesn't involve walking through a hall of menacing 10 year olds. ;)
The first day I was able to walk her directly to her classroom. I helped her put her backpack in her little cubby, walked her to her desk and then stood in the doorway with my heart in my throat. She just looked so _tiny_ sitting there and it took everything in me not to just scoop her up and run out of there. I didn't want to linger too long so I put my sunglasses back on (to hide the tears)and walked away. And oh how it hurt. By the time I got back to the car, the tears were coming hot and fast. We didn't know any different, her and I. I had been a stay at home mom since the beginning and suddenly this new person, this STRANGER, was going to have her more throughout the week than I was. DH was awesome and had me giggling by the time we left the parking lot by telling me stories of all the other moms who were coming out of the school bawling their eyes out. Then, when we turned on the radio, one of the announcers was joking around and was telling everyone to take it easy on the road, since there would be a lot of parents out and about that morning who'd be trying to drive through all the tears. Strangely, that also made me feel better. I guess it reminded me that I wasn't the only one hurting that morning. Some probably even had it worse, since I'm sure not all kids went willingly into their rooms after a quick hug from mom like mine did.
I watched the clock that entire day and had the boys packed in the car ready to go about 10 minutes before we ever had to leave. My teeny girl came out of the building with a huge smile on her face and it hasn't been any different in the past 3 weeks. She goes to school happy and excited and comes out grinning. I thank my lucky stars every day for that. As for me, I'm doing ok. I sign what I need to sign in her folder, I send checks for school t-shirts, and I look forward to school fundraisers like it's my job (and it sort of is). I'm trying to be the best parent of a kindergartner I can be. I might even attend my first PTA meeting next week. :)
First day of school
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