I survived the week!

My husband got home, after a week away, last night right before it was time to put C to bed. The kids were ecstatic and so was I, especially when I handed over a screaming baby and took a shower. Welcome home, babe! ;)


I won't lie. This week was a rough one, even with all the help I got from my parents. One night I didn't get in bed until 3am. And neither did my 5yr old, which resulted in her sleeping in the next day until 2pm. I was advised from several people to wake her up...but um. No. Mostly because life is generally easier when one child is asleep I've come to find out, but also because the rule is never wake a sleeping child (unless you have to be somewhere or the house is on fire). So she slept until after lunch time and then I sent her to my parents house to spend the night. Mwhahaha - my best evil laugh.


Another night Declan decided to practice his best evil cry. For 2hrs straight. I'd almost come to the conclusion that he's just not that fond of me until 2 things happened this past week. First on Tuesday, during his doctor appointment to check his rash (more on that in a bit). For some insane reason, they thought they needed to check his temperature rectally. Even though they have every thermometer under the sun and even though that whole area was the reason why we were there. So my poor boy screamed in pain and continued to scream until the nurse handed him back to me. And then once he realized how had him, his cries died away and he spent the remainder of the appointment just staring at me. Cue heart melting. And then tonight!! At exactly 4 weeks old Declan smiled at me for the first time. It was just small quick crooked smiles where only one side actually went up, but still. Totally a smile. I would know. It was awesome and I loved it. So maybe he does like me just a little.


I won't get into all the ins and outs of our life/schedule since I plan on doing that during his 1 month old post later this week how he is 1 month I have no idea.  But I will leave you with this: I started this post at 8pm, after C went to bed. I am now deciding to just end it because it is 12:06am and I am tired but won't go to bed until I've watched an episode of Gossip girl on Netflix because that is what you get addicted to when your newborn doesn't fall asleep until after midnight (oh hia, run on sentence).


I'll also leave you with this. As C would say "he's super, super cute!".

Update!

I took D in for his appointment yesterday afternoon to check out his poor bottom. 


First, my boy is growing so much! Last Monday he weighed in at 7lbs 11oz. Yesterday he was 8lbs 9oz! Only 2oz shy of gaining an entire pound in one week! He still seems little to me, especially for only being 8.5lbs at 3 weeks old but his weight gain has been awesome. I'm hoping we don't have another doctor appointment until his 2mo check, but I'm going to be so anxious to see how much he weighs by that point. 


Diaper rash ended up being a severe yeast rash. We got a prescription for that so that should clear up nicely. Dr. G thinks his rash might be contributing to a lot of his crankiness, so fingers crossed that it's that. Obviously I don't want him to be crying from pain, but at least it would be something we can fix and not just his personality at the moment.  I was also told not to worry about the excessive amount of spitting up he does since his weight gain is so good. I guess I'm just going to have to deal with vomit in my hair, in my bra, and down my back for the foreseeable future. ;) As for the milk sensitivity, for right now there will be no change in my diet or in the formula. I'm to watch his diapers closely (should be fun) and if I see anything that gives me pause I just bring it in to be tested.


We are ending Day 3 of me being a single parent to 3 kids. It hasn't been too bad as of yet, but that's probably because my parents have taken one of my kids (the two older ones, I'm not ready to send my littlest one away from me, no matter how grumpy he is ;) ) every day since Monday. Tonight will actually be my first night with all 3. As of right now, it's C's bedtime but Declan is wide awake so I'm not even going to attempt it. Em cried last night over missing Daddy which made me feel a mix of sadness (because come on, that's sad) and relief that we don't have to worry about year long deployments anymore. Something that didn't seem to bother her at 2 would be devastating to her now.

3 weeks!

We've definitely had our ups and downs this past week. I don't think I really thought bringing another child into the mix would change that much. Boy was I wrong! The whole dynamic of our family is off and it's been a challenge trying to get the hang of this whole "family of 5" thing. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't change it for the world, but I think we will all breath a huge sigh of relief once we get things settled down.


The Downs - I figured I'd start with the rough stuff so that I can end this post on a positive note. :) D continues to be a grumpy little thing and I'm starting to think it's tummy related. Lots of crying, lots of puking, lots of pooping, etc. Just a little _too_ much of everything to be normal to me. He's also starting to get mucousy stool again. Sort of orangish and I swear I saw some red in it today, which makes me think maybe bloody stool again. If you remember, he had 24hrs where he has having some pretty impressive bloody stools back when he was 3-4 days old. It quit after I started just offering one breast a feeding, so I chalked it  up to a foremilk issue. But now I'm starting to think that he has a milk protein allergy. We went through the bloody stool bit with Em, although she never had the fussiness that seems to be happening with D. She ended up on Neocate since even Nutramigen wasn't broken down enough for her. It's definitely a weird experience to have your child's formula UPS'ed to you each month. I don't want to go down that road again, obviously, but I just want him to feel better.


Besides the crying and belly issues, he also has the worst diaper rash ever. Red and raw on his little behind and then broken out with little bumps above his private parts. We've already switched diapers in case it was a reaction to that, but no improvement so far. Because of all of these issues, I've decided to take him back to the doctor tomorrow. I just want answers! As far as feedings go, we are still all over the place. I've decided to stop pumping, however. I'm still not responding to it like I thought I would, and I just don't see the point in continuing if I can't save enough to freeze. So I'm just nursing and also giving formula in bottles. I remember being a wreck when I gave C his first bottle of formula because I wanted nursing to work out so badly. But this time around I've been more calm about it. It is what it is. Truthfully, I see myself going strictly to formula here at some point. Especially if he ends up allergic to milk. I'm having enough trouble keeping myself on track to nurse as long as possible. The thought of also having to completely change my diet literally makes me want to have a panic attack. I'm sad that breastfeeding doesn't form this awesome bond with my baby like it does for almost everyone else. I sometimes think it gets in the way of my bonding. It's happened two times in a row. Sigh. Like I said, it is what it is. I just hope I come out of the doctors office with a plan to treat both his booty and his tummy issues.


The Ups - Besides all the pooping and all the spitting up, he's obviously growing. He's filling his car seat out nicely, getting some pretty impressive baby chub, and I am noticing how much better 0-3mo clothes fit. He's also coming more aware during his wakeful periods. True, those wakeful periods usually have a ton of fussing during them but we do have moments where his eyes will connect with mine and we share a little moment. I need those, since the first 3 weeks haven't been that easy. I also think he's thisclose to smiling. I know it's still a few weeks before any real smiles, but he has smiley eyes. I always joke that he's "smizing". Any fans of America's Next Top Model will get the reference. ;) Sleep is also pretty easy for him. During the day he has problems staying to sleep, which is a mixture of two other kids being wild and the fact he likes to be held while he sleeps. But at night he sleeps SO well. We are usually up twice at night to eat, once around 2-3 and then again sometimes between 6-7. A normal night, he has a 4hr stretch and then a 3hr stretch. Can't beat that!


This coming up week is going to be a doozy, considering DH left this morning for Illinois with his Army Unit and won't be back until next monday. During the day will be fine, since I'm used to being here by myself with all 3 kids anyway, but night-time is going to be tricky. Pray for me!


Just some cuteness.

2 week appointment

I can't believe my little man is already 2 weeks old (technically 2 weeks, 2 days, but who's counting). Some days it feels like he's always been a part of our family and then there are other days where I think "wasn't it just yesterday life was super easy with only 2 kids?" Because seriously. Life is super easy with only 2 kids. It's been harder for me to adjust to a family of 5 than I thought it would be. Every day seems to get a bit easier, though, and I think once we really get a nice schedule down, things will smooth out. My insane mama hormones are also finally starting to ease up a bit. Thank goodness! I'll always be a crier, but it will be nice when I no longer burst into tears while driving home because I thought of a sad scene in a movie (this happened yesterday).


Declan's 2 week appointment (and 2w birthday) was on Monday. I'm not up to going somewhere with 3 kids by myself yet, so I dropped Em and C off at my mom's house before making the trip up there. D ended up throwing up all over his clothes on the way there (he's SUCH a 'spitter-upper') so it's a good thing you have to strip them down to their diapers when you get there. D was 7lbs 7oz at birth and 7lbs 4oz at his 1 week appointment. Monday he weighed in at 7lbs 11oz. She said his weight gain is perfect. I guess they are supposed to gain 20 grams a day and he was gaining over that. He'd also gained 1/4 of an inch. So still a little shorty. I haven't looked up what his percentages are yet, but I'd guess they are somewhere around the 50th or so. His teeny head went from 33cm a week ago to 34.5cm so he's definitely a growing boy!


His cord fell off when he was 9 days old, which was a far cry from the 1 month it took both Em and C. I'm glad it fell off because it was starting to have this odd smell to it. The doctor said that it was just from it drying out, so thankfully not an infection or anything.


She asked if I was still nursing (yes) but I also said that I was pumping and giving him bottles. She asked if I would eventually transition him to formula and when I said yes she gave me a 4 cans to take home, which I thought was nice. Formula has definitely gotten more expensive since C was a baby so while I'm not that fond of nursing, I want to last as long as possible. Not only for D, but also for our wallets!


Overall, it was a nice appointment even though Declan screamed his head off the entire time we were there. I haven't quite figured out if he's colicky or not. I don't think so, since he's grumpy pretty much anytime he's awake (haha) and seems to just have the "feed me if I am awake and hold me if I am asleep) attitude right now. A friend of mine who has 3 kids sort of laughed and said "I'm telling you, it's the 3rd child syndrome! My first two were angel babies when they were newborns, but my third was just mad" which explains my 3 perfectly. Luckily she said that everything calmed down around 10 weeks or so, so fingers crossed that happens here. He's still a super sweet baby and funnily enough, will calm down and just stare at me if I start singing "Silent Night". So I find myself singing Christmas carol's at 3 in the morning. :)

In other news, Em has officially started square-dancing practice. This was so fun for us last summer, so I've been looking forward to it for a while. She looks so cute out there dancing with her partner and her outfit this year is to die for! Their group name is Punks and Sparklers and we're going with a Patriotic/4th of July theme. Fireworks were canceled this year because of the burn ban, so they are being allowed during the Labor Day weekend (which is when their performances are). So the theme will work out great.

Random updates on random things

Things are slowly moving toward normal here in our household. No real schedule yet, but I think we are close to falling into one, without much help from me. Right now, we wake up around 7 or so and he's back to sleep by 9 or 10. He then pretty much sleeps all day until around 5 or 6 at night. This is when he has his wakeful time and can and has stayed awake for almost 5 hours without a nap! Usually around 11 or so he finally passes out for the night. Last night he was awake until 11:30, woke up at 3:30 to eat, and then was back awake a little after 7. So technically he was up once last night! I'll take it!

-Declan is such a little snuggler. I love it for the most part, although it is sort of draining when he wakes up AS SOON as I put him down. No matter how deep a sleep he's in before I carefully make my way to his bed. He also hates the carseat with a passion, although luckily the screaming and crying only lasts until the car starts going and then he passes right out.

- Feedings are all over the place. Like I mentioned in an earlier post, I'm just not one that enjoys breastfeeding. With Em, I never even attempted to. Mostly because I was a young 21 year old mother and the thought of nursing was sort of icky. When C was born I felt much differently and was fully prepared to breastfeed, ideally until he was a year old. We had latching issues right from the beginning. He didn't like latching and I have insane flat n.ipples (sorry for the TMI) so even the best latch would/does cause some pain. I visited an LC when he was 5 days old, and while I left there feeling confident, by day 9 I was a crying mess over the pain and the stress. So I started exclusively pumping. While it took more time in the long run, I was much happier. For me, the important part was that he was getting the good stuff, not HOW he was getting it. But I guess I got a little lax on pumping and I ended up with a nice double case of mastitis. While waiting for the doctor to see me, I started leaking milk all over the place. I ended up changing my gown twice before she got in there and I remember just being in tears because I was over it. I left the hospital with a prescription and a vow that I was done with it. C was almost a month old at that point. Since I responded well to the pump, I had enough in the freezer that he got supplemented with BM until he was almost 4mo.

This time around I went into the whole nursing thing much more confident. He latched on well at the hospital and was only 3oz away from his birth weight at a week old. But still....I don't enjoy it. I don't like being the only one who can feed him, I don't like the cluster feeds, the anxiety that comes along with not knowing how much they're eating, the fear that he'd never take a bottle, etc. D will be 12 days old tomorrow and for the last couple of days I've been doing a mix of exclusively pumping and breastfeeding. I FINALLY found a bottle nipple he will take (brown latex for the win!) so it's been nice seeing him drink and know he's getting a nice full feeding. I'm not sure how long I'll do this for. Because of the flat n.ipples, they are constantly sore. Naturally I find myself drawn to the pump since it doesn't hurt as much but I also feel bad since D likes to nurse. I nursed all night last night and for every nap today. I'm going to try to follow that trend for as long as I can. I said from the beginning that I wouldn't be "all or nothing" like I was last time. So, any breastmilk he gets makes me happy. Realistically, what I think will happen is that I will continue to pump and then supplement with formula as his intake goes up. Right now I'm making just enough to feed him, so I'm storing nothing. But anyway, yeah. Feedings are all over the place.

- We still aren't decided on what we want to do regarding c.ircumcision. As of right now, he is not. DH wants it done, especially since our 2yr old is, but after learning all about it, it's something that really makes me nervous to do. We agreed not to do it in the hospital, since I wanted his birth and the days after that to be all about him. Getting used to a life outside the womb has got to be stressful. I didn't want to add a very painful procedure on top of that. I felt confident with my decision when we left the hospital, but I will admit that I second guess myself all the time. I look at him and he's PERFECT, so it's hard to think "he needs this removed, for no real reason, just because". But anyway, after a couple days of seriously freaking the fuck out every time I'd think of it, both DH and I seemed to have dropped it for the time being. Monday is his 2 week appointment and I'm sure it will be brought up again, though. :/

- Em and C have been so amazing with him! There seems to be no jealousy and they both randomly say things like "I like baby Declan". C always wants to hug him ("hug" him as in just place his head on top of the baby's) and Em always want to hold him. I love seeing them interact with him and I think they will have a lot of fun when D is a giggly happy 6mo instead of a newborn who just eats, sleeps, and cries occasionally.

First doctor appointment!

D's first doctor appointment was this Monday afternoon (because it has taken me this long to finish one post. Oye). My MIL came over and took Em and C to the park and out to lunch so that I wouldn't have to try to handle all 3 of them on our first outing. My mom ended up tagging along to his appointment as well. I can't say enough with how much help our families have been during the last week. I'm truly blessed and I wonder how I'd possibly make it without all the outside help.


Declan weighs in at a whopping 7lbs 4oz. Only 3oz away from his birth weight! That's awesome since they give babies until 2 weeks to get to that mark and he's only a week old. Even though I'm not fond of nursing, we seem to be doing well in that area. I can't wait until he has some cute baby chub on him. :) We have moved on up to size 1 diapers so he's definitely a growing boy. The parts for my pump should be in the mail tomorrow. I'm so excited to pump some, mostly to relieve all this engorgement since he only has one side per feeding. That means one side is going 4-5 hours between being drained, so they hurt! Now I can pump the side I know I won't be using and then either save the milk in the freezer or let DH give him a bottle once we introduce those. I know pumping and giving bottles is a slippery slope to weaning but I think this will help with some of the stress I've been under lately.


- They came in yesterday and this morning I finally found some time to give the pump a try. Yeah, it was an epic fail. I know there's milk in there since he seems content after a feed and will sleep for a couple of hours at a time. But I got 1/2 an ounce out of one and nothing out of the other. Granted, the one that didn't produce any was the one he'd just nursed on 10 minutes prior, so I'm hoping that was the reason. I'll pumping a couple of times a day and I'm hopeful I'll start responding to it soon.


I didn't get how long he was but he has a little head at 33cm! His ultrasound was so right when it had his head measuring small. It's a cute little peanut head, though. :) She cleaned up his umbilical cord some and said it's close to falling off. He HATES water or having his clothes off, so a real bath is probably not up his alley, but so much easier than those sponge baths. 


Late last week we had some issues with blood in his stool but that cleared up as soon as I started only offering one side per feeding. So, I'm thinking foremilk issue. His doctor thinks it was from me, since my n.ipples did scab over some during the latching process. Yeah, no way did that much blood come from me. Either way, it's been a week since we've seen any, so I think that's done with.

Today is actually my first day home with all 3 kids, but that will probably deserve a post all it's own. Fingers crossed I haven't ran screaming from the house by the time DH gets home. :)

New Mommy hormones

They are here, and they are vicious! They aren't like the baby blues I experienced with Connor, but I think I've done more crying in the last two days than I did my entire pregnancy. It's been rough.


Declan is already 6 days old! I can't believe it. There are times I look at him and think "cherish this, because you'll never have another 6 day old again". I definitely see myself getting baby envy some day down the road, but I also feel that my little (big) family of 5 is complete. Some things really haven't changed much. I still put Connor to bed every night, Emma still gets her millions of books read to her each day, etc. But I still feel like life has changed for them so much. They have both been so awesome during this week and really, I don't think they care that much about a new baby in the house. Even Connor, who I was so worried about heading into this whole 3rd baby thing, hasn't acted all that weird about this new little baby who's stuff has taken up half the living room. He likes the fact that they both have binkies..lol. Even after all of that, sometimes I sit and sort of long for what life used to be like. Don't get me wrong, I love my little "decky" (as big sis calls him) with all my heart and I don't regret him for a second. It's just hard to imagine what life will be like since I'm still in "never leaving the house because none of my clothes fit and the baby wants to eat every 20 seconds" phase. This shall pass and life will be back to normal, I'm sure.


Breastfeeding. Yeah. That yeah is said really drawn out, like "yeaaahh" in a really monotone voice. I don't like it. Does that make me a horrible person for saying that? I mean, I don't HATE it and I'm doing it because that's what's best for him, but I'm not jumping up and down every time he wants to eat. The experience has been a lot better than it was with Connor and we actually have no issues with it. He latches on great, he seems to be eating enough, etc. I think it's just the fact that it's ALL ON ME. Some mom's love that aspect of it, that them and only them can feed their child. I see that point, I do. If I only had one child. But when I constantly have to tell my other two no or tell them they have to wait, it bothers me. Or, you know, when I'm sitting there in the recliner with my boob out while my husband gets to roam around the house. We ordered parts for my pump, which should be here in a few days. I think being able to pump the occasional bottle so someone else can feed him will help a lot in me being able to continue.


Back to all my new mommy hormones and the flood of tears I've been crying. We ended up staying in the hospital an extra night, so around 2pm on July 4th we got to go home. I had been promising Emma we'd hit up the local fireworks display for weeks, so I attempted to go out that night to watch them. Yeah, wrong idea. I was in so much pain, it was super hot, and the thought of not getting back home until close to 11 just didn't appeal to me. I started crying in the middle of the mall parking lot because I just wanted to go home. But I also didn't want to miss seeing my two oldest's faces when the display started. My parents, who have been life savers, stayed with the kids while me, Declan, and DH came home. I cried all the way home because I just hated  missing something like that. Then the next day my mom came over and stayed with me while DH went back to work. He stopped on the way home and got them a gift card to Red Lobster since they'd practically parented Em and C since Sunday night. I then cried like a baby when I gave them to her...lol. Like I said, the tears have been coming hot and fast.
Now there is another parenting issue my husband and I are trying to work out, and needless to say, I have no idea how I haven't drowned yet.


Declan's first appointment is tomorrow and I'm so anxious to see if he's gained any weight yet. He was 7lbs 7oz at birth and 7lbs exactly when we left the hospital. It will also be the first time leaving the house since our failed 4th of July outing, so I'm kind of excited about wearing make-up again.


Like promised, his birth story is coming soon. By the time I get around to writing it, I'll probably have forgotten all the little details and it will like 2 sentences long. ;)


A little cuteness just because. :)

Introducing.....

Declan Finn, who decided to grace us with his presence Monday, July 2nd at 7:32 pm. Birth story coming soon.

As of right now, I'm just enjoying my time with this sweet (super spoiled) little guy. Em and C are reserving judgement on him until further notice. ;)